Hubungan jarak jauh alias long distance relationship (LDR) seringkali menjadi alasan perpisahan sepasang kekasih. Namun, LDR tak selalu berujung pada kandasnya hubungan.
Kisah penyanyi Tasya Kamilla dan Randi Bachtiar menjadi contohnya. Tak sedikit yang menjadikan mereka sebagai "relationship goal" karena berhasil menempuh hubungan jarak jauh pada masa pacaran selama enam tahun dan berujung pada pernikahan.
Keduanya menjadi sorotan warganet, apalagi setelah melangsungkan pernikahan pada Minggu, 5 Agustus 2018 kemarin.
Inti dari sebuah hubungan, baik itu LDR maupun bukan, adalah komunikasi. Hanya saja, komunikasi tersebut lebih rumit ketika sepasang kekasih menjalani LDR. Baik hubungan beda kota maupun negara.
Jika kamu termasuk orang yang menjalani LDR, ada beberapa tanda yang bisa menjadi indikasi bahwa jarak tak menjadi halangan bagi kamu dan kekasih.
1. Saling bertanya tentang keseharian
Saat ini teknologi semakin canggih. Komunikasi jarak jauh pun tidak hanya bisa dilakukan lewat teks, namun bisa lewat video.
Jika kamu dan pasangan menjalani LDR bahkan memiliki jadwal yang berbeda, usahakan untuk secara intens menanyakan kegiatan satu sama lain.
Ketika kalian berdua dengan lancar biasa menginformasikan jadwal masing-masing tanpa harus ditanya, tandanya komunikasi berjalan dengan lancar dan jarak tak menjadi hambatan.
Jangan lupa untuk saling memahami keadaan masing-masing seperti ketika mood salah satu pihak tengah dalam kondisi kurang baik. Dalam situasi tersebut, kalian bisa saling menyemangati atau menguatkan.
Komunikasi yang intens akan membuat kalian dekat satu sama lain bahkan semakim akrab ketika bertemu.
2. Berkirim tanda cinta
Tanda lainnya bahwa kamu dan pasangan tetap mesra meski menjalani hubungan LDR adalah dengan intens saling berkirim tanda cinta lewat.
Baik lewat medium email dan media sosial maupun berkirim surat dan paket. Misalnya bunga, hadiah, cokelat, atau kartu ucapan.
Akan menjadi lebih spesial jika dia mengirimimu sebuah barang kesukaanmu.
Hal lainnya adalah saling mengunjungi satu sama lain ketika berlibur atau pada momentum spesial.
Kedengarannya hal itu sangat klasik, namun sentuhan personal di baliknya menunjukkan bahwa pasanganmu memiliki perhatian khusus.
Jangan lupa untuk mengiriminya balik. Misalnya, dengan mengirim sebuah hadiah yang akan mengingatkannya padamu.
3. Menceritakan pada masing-masing keluarga
Bertemu dengan keluarga masing-masing adalah hal yang penting dalam setiap hubungan. Jika kamu tidak bisa bertemu dengan keluarga pasanganmu secara langsung, pasanganmu bisa menceritakanmu pada keluarganya.
Jika hal ini dilakukannya, maka ini menjadi indikator hubunganmu kuat dan memiliki masa depan yang baik.
Selain itu, ketika pasanganmu menceritakan tentang keseharian keluarganya, itu berarti mereka berniat menjembatani antara kamu dan keluarganya.
Sama halnya jika pasanganmu mengenalkanmu pada teman-teman dekatnya dan rajin menginformasikan keseharian mereka kepadamu.
Intinya adalah ketika mereka memperkenalkan kamu, baik dalam sebuah obrolan maupun secara khusus, kepada orang-orang yang dia hormati.
Hal ini adalah tanda yang jelas bahwa dia bangga dengan hubungannya denganmu dan mau membaginya dengan orang-orang yang dicintainya.
4. Mendengarkan satu sama lain
Tanpa hubungan fisik, LDR memerlukan keintiman dari saling mendengarkan satu sama lain.
Mendengarkan adalah memberi waktu saat pasangan mengeluhkan harinya yang menyebalkan, atau sebaliknya. Mendengarkan adalah hal yang harus kalian implementasikan sehari-hari.
Ketika kamu bercerita bahwa kepalamu sakit, pendengar yang baik akan mengingatnya dan menanyakan kondisimu setelah beberapa hari.
Pendengar yang baik juga akan mencoba mengingat siapa saja orang yang membuatmu kesal atau apa saja yang membuat tidurmu terganggu.
Mendengarkan tidaklah membutuhkan usaha yang berat, namun membuat seseorang bisa semakin terlibat dalam kehidupan pasangannya.
Mendengarkan tak harus mengingat nama dari atasanmu, namun pasanganmu ingat ketika atasanmu lah yang membuatmu harus tidur larut.
Hal-hal semacam ini menunjukkan bahwa mereka mendengar.
5. Mampu mengatasi argumentasi
LDR cenderung mengarahkan kita pada miskomunikasi, ketegangan dan pembatasan alamiah yang mungkin tidak terjadi pada hubungan lainnya.
Ketika seseorang berada di sekitar pasangannya, argumen cenderung bisa diredam agar hubungan bisa harmonis. Namun dalam hubungan jarak jauh, argumen bisa jadi masalah.
Kunci dari mengatasi argumentasi adalah mengkomunikasikan perasaan satu sama lain. Komunikasikanlah apa yang kamu rasakan dan inginkan dari pasanganmu. Hal sama juga harus dilakukan oleh pasanganmu.
Penyanyi Vanessa Hudgens dan pasangannya Austin Butler yang menjalani LDR menceritakan pada People Magazine mengenai kunci dalam mengatasi argumentasi tersebut. Caranya adalah berbicara terbuka dengan pasangan.
"Buatlah dirimu tanpa batasan dengan pasanganmu dan terbukalah," kata Hudgens.
Ketika pasanganmu menyinggung sesuatu yang membuat mereka kesal atau marah, katakanlah dan tanyakan mengapa mereka menyinggung hal tersebut.
Hal ini mungkin bisa memicu kesalahpahaman atau memunculkan perspektif berbeda, namun hal terpenting adalah mereka tahu kamu merasa sakit dan berkesempatan untuk meminta maaf.
6. Saling percaya
Cemburu adalah emosi alamiah manusia. Namun, kecemburuan kadang irasional. Perbedaan antara merasakannya dan mengekspresikannya menjadi hal krusial dalam sebuah hubungan.
Ada banyak malam dan akhir pekan yang kamu dan pasangan lalui bersama orang asing.
Melihat foto pasanganmu dengan orang asing atau teman baru mungkin bisa memicu perasaan tidak aman.
Kenali rasa cemburumu. Tak ada yang melarangmu untuk merasakannya, tapi biarkan perasaan itu pergi.
Pada akhirnya, jika kamu percaya pada pasanganmu, dia juga akan memercayaimu. Tidak ada yang perlu dikhawatirkan.
Pada buku "The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide", penulis Chris Bell dan Katie-Brauer Bell yang pernah berkencan jarak jauh menekankan pentingnya memercayai satu sama lain.
Keduanya menekankan, "kesetiaan adalah perpanjangan alami dari sebuah kepercayaan dan kejujuran" dan bagaimana ketiga unsur tersebut bisa terbangun untuk menciptakan hubungan jarak jauh yang sukses.
Pada dasarnya, mencurigai pasanganmu berselingkuh tanpa alasan yang jelas adalah penghinaan terhadap pasanganmu dan cintanya kepada kamu.
Jika mereka menghormati dan memercayaimu balik, maka ini tanda bahwa kalian berdua bisa dengan baik menghadapi tantangan di masa depan.
7. Memberi ruang
Ketika kamu berkencan dengan seseorang yang tinggal sangat jauh atau bahkan berbeda negara, hal ini akan terasa kamu sedang menyatukan dua kehidupan yang terpisah. Hal ini tak sepenuhnya buruk.
Independensi dan identitas adalah dua hal penting dalam sebuah hubungan. Kamu berada selangkah lebih maju daripada pasangan lainnya karena sudah jago membangun konsep hubungan sehat antara kamu dan pasangan.
"Merawat diri dan membangun diri akan membuat kamu dan pasangan menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik. Hal itu juga menjadi kunci untuk menguatkan hubungan jarak jauh," kata pakar hubungan Shannom Smith kepada Business Insider.
Ia mencontohkan, kamu bisa saja mendaftarkan diri untuk sebuah kursus, menjadikan kesehatan sebagai prioritas, membina hubungan berkualitas dengan teman-teman, atau membeli buku favorit. Hal-hal itu bisa membuat dirimu menjadi lebih baik.
Sebagai alternatif, penting pula untuk membagikan hal tersebut pada pasanganmu. Sehingga mereka bisa merayakan keberhasilanmu dan membantumu menghadapi kesulitan demi kesulitan.
Menemukan keseimbangan antara posisimu sebagai pribadi dan sebagai pasangan akan membuat kamu dan pasangan mampu menuju kebahagiaan jangka panjang.
8. Setiap pertemuan terasa berkesan
Menurut Dr. Guldner dari pusat studi hubungan jarak jauh, rata-rata pasangan saling mengunjungi 1,5 kali dalam sebulan.
Pada beberapa kasus, pasangan bisa melalui berbulan-bulan lamanya untuk bisa kembali bertemu. Selain itu, pada pasangan yang menempuh LDR karena jatuh cinta lewat internet, terkadang membutuhkan waktu bertahun-tahun untuk bisa bertatap muka.
Tinggal berjauhan bisa memunculkan rasa kesepian. Namun, salah satu manfaat LDR adalah kebahagiaan unik yang dirasakan ketika saling mengunjungi satu sama lain.
Setelah sekian lama terpisah, akhirnya bisa bertemu, berbagi dan mengunjungi tempat-tempat menarik bisa menjadi sesuatu yang sangat membahagiakan.
Kondisi ini juga bisa menjadi alasan untuk berlibur bersama yang berarti kalian bisa mengeksplorasi tempat baru bersama.
Setuap kunjungan yang berkesan tersebut akan terus mengingatkanmu mengapa kamu memilih menjalani LDR sejak awal.
9. Bicara masa depan secara konkret
Hal biasa bagi setiap pasangan membicarakan tentang rencana hidup ketika perbedaan jarak tersebut berakhir. Namun, penting untuk mendiskusikan bersama pasanganmu hal yang bisa kalian raih bersama menjadi sesuatu yang realistis untuk dicapai.
Tentu saja, kamu tidak bisa mengantisipasi dan mengatur masa depan. Namun, menjadi hal penting ketika kamu dan pasangan memiliki tujuan hubungan ketika hidup berdampingan.
Mungkin kamu bisa mendiskusikan bagaimana kencan kalian berdua berjalan ketika sudah tinggal di tempat yang sama, atau film yang akan ditonton.
Melalui diskusi semacam itu, kamu akan memiliki pemahaman yang lebih baik apakah pasanganmu seorang yang introvert atau ekstrovert serta mengenali wataknya lebih dalam.
Cobalah berpikiran terbuka, namun jangan lupa untuk juga mengutarakan tentang dimana kelak kamu ingin tinggal atau nama binatang yang kelak akan kamu pelihara.
Tergantung pada sedalam apa hubunganmu dan pasangan, penting untuk membawa kemungkinan kalian berdua menikah dan memiliki anak untuk memastikan bahwa kamu dan pasangan memiliki arah dan visi yang sama.
Topik semacam ini terkadang sulit untuk didiskusikan jarak jauh, namun penting untuk keberlangsungan hubungan jangka panjang.
10. Memahami bahwa tujuan bisa berubah atau berganti
Salah satu hal terpenting dalam LDR adalah perpindahan besar. Apakah kamu berpindah ke lokasi yang lebih dekat dengan pasanganmu atau sebaliknya, atau tinggal pada kota yang sama, akan selalu ada perubahan dalam sebuah hubungan jarak jauh.
Penting untuk memahami bahwa sebuah hubungan jarak jauh pada satu waktu perlu menempuh berbulan-bulan atau bertahun-tahun untuk bertemu pada suatu hari. Banyak hal bisa terjadi pada waktu tersebut.
Perpindahan tersebut akan membuat hubungan kalian semakin nyata. Tapi, pastikan ada fleksibilitas dalam kehidupanmu dan pasangan.
Akan ada perlakuan yang berbeda dan seharusnya lebih baik, daripada ketika kalian berhubungan jarak jauh. Kamu dan pasangan harus mendiskusikan hal tersebut.
Terimalah hal-hal yang berada di luar kontrolmu dan pahami bahwa kamu tak pernah tahu apa yang akan terjadi di masa depan.
Ini akan membawa keuntungan untuk kamu dan pasangan sebagai dua orang yang tak hanya berhasil menjalani hubungan jarak jauh, namun bisa membina hubungan jangka panjang.
Pada akhirnya, satu-satunya yang tahu arah hubungan adalah mereka yang menjalaninya.
Jarak dalam sebuah hubungan adalah hambatan, namun ini bisa dilalui.
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